muted tones

september 02

this entry is from september 02. click here for more information about the curator, and to hear the finished work.

buddhist sand mandalas

july 26th, 2002

one of my friends called me yesterday to tell me to pick up an album that he couldn’t stop listening to. so i went to the record store cause i wanted to pick up Wilco’s A.M. anyway. after i found the album he recommended, i was parousing the store and i started to repeat to myself that “there’s too much here, there’s too much here.” i mean it’s these stupid observations i make like 23 years down the line. i mean, how many record stores have i walked through before and never thought that. but yesterday it got me, and it was a hopeless feeling. i’m talking about this now cause i just read one of sarah’s entries (something… black—i forget the exact title ). in some ways i think we’re feeling the same thing, overwhelmed in different ways. it’s just a phase though. i’m sure of it because i’ve been really inspired by the infinite world of music before. back then it was like, there are no limits or boundaries and anybody can add become a part of it if they’re trully inspired and determined. from duke ellington to guns and roses, willie nelson, madonna, and all the billions in between, there’s still space for anyone. i think it’s good to go through down phases and to ask yourself over and over again why it matters at all. even if i make an epic record, who cares?? there’s already thousands anyway and thousands more to come. well, that’s a pretty realistic outlook, but also pretty shitty. we should all be proud of what we do and work hard to move it foward, but we shouldn’t rely or worry about where it goes from there. i try to see it like a buddist sand mandala. all those hours, detail and focus, for something beautiful that exists only to be blown away.



july 26th, 2002

sometimes, the part about it all being blown away is the part that makes me the most excited about making music. you know? those songs that never leave my room, or even my head seem just as important - or unimportant - as the ones i perform for every audience every time.

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