muted tones // volume one / october 02 / the totalizator of my heart

this entry is from october 02. click here for more information about the curator, and to hear the finished work.

the totalizator of my heart

july 26th, 2002

is anyone else nervous about this? making the muted-tones music, i mean. i guess it’s possible that the other people on this project know exactly what’s going on. it’s probably silly for me to assume that everyone is on the same musical discovery-quest as me.

i realized this since my last post. that it’s about investment. for me, that’s what music is about. i’m putting all my eggs in one basket. the basket that’s made of my confusion, frustration, determination, and ultimately perseverance. i have no idea what i’m doing - ever - but i try really hard. i probably expect too much from other musicians* when looking for them to put as much in their music as i do. but the inherent value of music can be obscured by paltry investment.

to me, a lot of the value of music is social. It stands to reason that music that exists mostly/only to sell things (even if it is records) wouldn’t care about being socially valuable, i.e. wouldn’t try to say anything to anyone except ‘buy this image/lifestyle/product.’ therefore, i don’t respect it, because it doesn’t respect me as anything more than a pocketbook. and anyone who’s seen me knows i am a whole bunch bigger than a pocketbook. a whole bunch.

bringin’ it home: the next time someone asks me why i’ve chosen the pig in a poke that is attempting a musical career, i think i’m going to say that I know its not a sure thing, but making the wager is half the fun of gambling.

okay, i don’t mean fun.

okay, i do mean fun, but not paddleboat and cotton candy fun. I mean long-division and traffic-jam fun. No, seriously. My problem here is that when you wager as much as i do, things seem to have more gravity. so…uh….it’s not so much about the fun, it’s about the wager. the investment.

sheesh.

now i need to work on putting in the time. yeah. i should probably keep my mouth shut about investment and dedication until i write a new song. it’s been 6 months.

i’m gonna go do some long-division on my paddleboat and give my cosmic dice a little kiss. maybe today’s my day.
take care,
sr

*here, i’m not talking about fellow muted-tones people. i’m talking about music on commercial radio. the B-word(s). you know.

comments:

pop

august 26th, 2002

Re: choosing the hard path- musician, artist, miner- Theodore Roosevelt said it best: "It is not the critic who counts, nor the man who points out where the strong man stumbled, or where a doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man in the arena whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, and who comes up short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause. The man who at best knows the triumph of high achievement and who at worst, if he fails, fails while daring greatly, so that his place will never be with those cold timid souls who never knew victory or defeat."