steve
november 03rd, 2006
you’re a good boy vj
Our Voices Lost the Words Recovered
october 31st, 2006
It may be the ghosts talking to me, but I feel a different kind of awake as I sit here and listen to the final mix. My initial urge is to listen for the problems, real or invented; cringe at the flubs and blips when the string bends just the wrong way, sitting right out front for everyone to hear. I have to remind myself that anyone who happens to sit through ten minutes of this will hear it with completely different ears. My own perception of this song is still not tangible and even seems like it’s removed from me. I guess that’s exactly what it is.
The main two motifs have been in my head for a few years now. I haven’t been able to commit them to a real structure in all that time because I’ve been afraid to let that bit of me go. I’ve suffered some losses recently, and that particular music helped sustain me on the level that Music works to sustain us all. Letting go of it has been a surprisingly emotional challenge. It dawned on me that through the process of extrapolating a ten minute whole from those two lines of music, I was returning to confront issues which that same music had once provided me solace from. Go figure!
I actually had some intense moments throughout the composing and recording of this piece. I started off this log pontificating about the Moment being derivative of both experience and potential and tried connecting that idea with the ephemeral qualities of Music. I now find myself a month later, looking back while firmly planted in the moment, seeing just how much my future-present self has been impacted by this project. The experiences have created a reserve of potential. Even though I don’t feel a sense of closure with this recording just yet, I do feel that the process of making it has brought me some amount of closure in other aspects of my life, and that’s always a good thing.
As far as the music itself goes, I’m relatively happy with it and glad I used this chance to work out those ideas into a semi-coherent product. Man! 10 minutes is a serious marathon. The actual process of filling ten whole minutes with sound is a challenging request. To do it in the span of a month and then release it immediately is taxing in a peculiarly liberating kind of way. Regardless, I’m very happy to have done it and super grateful for the opportunity!
So in the end, I hope those of you who listen: enjoy; read: forgive; Live: Love.
P.,
V.